we are penn state

During my lunch today, M. got kicked out of class for acting like a douchebag. He asked if he could stay in my room so he wouldn’t have to roam the halls.

I asked him who he considers the best rapper of all time. He said Biggie. I told him it was Tupac.

This conversation led to a conversation about people getting shot.  M. asked me how many times Tupac had been shot in his life. We looked it up, the answer was 10. We started talking about 50 Cent and how he was shot in the face, but didn’t die. What M. said next surprised me.
“I saw my dad get shot 4 times.”

I asked him, first, if his dad lived, and he said yes- two of the shots were in his arms and two were in his legs. Next, I asked him what happened. He went on to tell me that when this happened, he was 13 (he’s almost 17 now). He was sitting in the car waiting for his dad when he heard the shots. He looked out the window and saw his dad hit the ground.

I asked him if he thought seeing that happen affected him now. He responded, “No. There are some things parents just shouldn’t do when their kids are around.”
We continued to talk and I learned that his dad was/is a drug dealer. When I asked M. if his dad is still around, he just said no and didn’t elaborate; I didn’t want to ask any more questions.

B. skipped my class for the majority of the first 2 marking periods. I’ve called home and spoken with father and his mother. I’ve CSAPped him. Today, he showed up 5 minutes before 1st period started. This was the first time he showed up on time. Our conversation went as follows:

Me: Hi B. I’m really glad to see that you’ve been coming lately, it’s nice to have you.

B.: Yeah, I’m trying to turn things around.

Me: Good. You’re early today.

B.: I stayed at my friend’s house last night, he lives near the school.

Me: Where do you live?

B.: 23rd and Morris.

Me: I see. Tough neighborhood.

B.: No, it’s not. I hear shots all the time, but it’s not scary for me because I usually know whose doing it.

Me: Hm, I still think that’d be kinda scary.

B.: No, well, sometimes. Like the other night, they were shooting on the corner. I live on the corner; it was so loud.

I’m really having trouble hearing stuff like this lately after what happened to Tyree. I keep looking at my classes while theyre working and thinking about all of them being shot. I keep getting lumps in my throat thinking about it. I’m having a lot of problems dealing with this.

H.: You should try out for Bad Girls Club. It’s coming to Philly.

Me: I’m not bad.

H.: Yes you are. You should just say you are. Say you do cocaine and fight in bars.

***

CONTINUE. I’m waiting to hear what you have to say. - Kiss ass kid

***

SHHHHH. Y’all are making Ms. Berkey mad. - Kiss ass kid #2

***

L.: Ms. B, why weren’t you here yesterday? You should have stayed home again.

H.: Mmm, that was disrespectful. Apologize.

One of my students, Tyree Parks, was fatally shot in the head on Friday night. Tyree played football and baseball. I talked to him every day. It makes me sad to search him on philly.com and see the following headlines:

- 3 are killed in weekend violence

- Southern routs Fels, captures AAAA blue title

- Southeastern PA league All-Stars

- Pennsylvania Scoreboard

- FOOTBALL: All Public League Picks

I have had it with this. Please, please, please, can we stop killing our kids? Please? This is too painful for everyone involved.

Today, in class, M. asked me to check and see if he was marked suspended. He was. I asked him what happened. He told me he had been wrongfully accused of something, and had been written up (and it had since been realized by admin that he was innocent), but due to the paper lag, it had gone through as a suspension anyway.

I asked him if he wanted to go clear it up. He said no, they would just try to kick him out.

M. just showed up at my door (this is my lunch). He said they were trying to lock him up. I asked him what they meant, and first he showed me a slip that was signed by security and said “NOT SUSPENDED.” He said while he was at lunch, the cops tried to get him for trespassing. He started staring at and rubbing his arms. I asked him what was wrong, and he showed me the red marks from where the cops slapped handcuffs on him. For nothing.

What is this school becoming?

D. is funny. He loves to participate and isn’t afraid to be silly. He’s 18. I wrote recently about how he and his family have been affected by violence in the neighborhood. Yesterday, D. walked in and told me he didn’t have a note for his week long absence, but he had release papers. He asked me if that would work. I wasn’t sure what he meant.

He pulled out his stack of papers that informed me that he was released on bail. I asked him if everything was ok. He said, “I have a lawyer this time, so it should be ok.”

Halfway through class, he asked me if I could write a character reference for his court appearance on Thursday. I told him I would absolutely do that for him, but I’d like to know a little more about his situation first.

“Around my way, the cops be chasing you for nothing. All the time. They mess with people. I was sitting on my step in front of my house, and I saw the cops coming. They started running towards me, so I went inside. They knocked on my door; I went downstairs and answered it. They asked me why I ran away. I told them I just went inside, I wasn’t running from anything. They went inside, then came back and told me they found a gun in my room.”

“Did they really find one?”

“Yes.”

“Why do you have a gun?”

“Ever since my brother and my cousin got shot in the same week, I hold a gun. It’s scary.”

“You’re 18. Get a permit.”

“I can’t because of past charges, but I want to be protected.”

D. went on to tell me that he had taken a plea bargain on felony drug charges in the past and therefore cannot get a weapon permit. He went back to talking about the letter again. He asked me to say how well behaved he is and how hard he works in class (which is true). My heart breaks for him. A convicted felon at 18…on the verge of going to jail for a long, long time. He’s banking on the fact that the cops didn’t have a search warrant… I wish I had a way to help him.

This involves many of my favorite kids…

http://www.philly.com/philly/news/homepage/20091204_Asian_students_under_attack_at_S__Phila__High.html

C., my female track star, recently transferred to a suburban school. I cried when I found out she was transferring. This was about 2 weeks ago. I really miss her.

C. IMed me today on Gchat. She told me that she’s having a really hard time. She hates being the new girl and she’s not having much luck making friends. She joined indoor track and is trying to make friends that way (I would guess she’s encountering some jealousy from the other girls at her innate ability).

Of course, it makes me sad to see that she’s having a rough time. I hate to hear that any of my students feel lonely or are struggling to make friends. As C. and I continued to talk, she told me that she’s really worried about her classes.  She said she feels that she learned nothing in chemistry here, and now she’s having a hard time reaching the same level as the other kids.

Many of the teachers here believe that our kids aren’t going anywhere, and therefore do not need to learn the same material as kids in “normal” districts (by “normal,” I simply mean less poverty stricken than Philly). The particular teacher that C. had did. not. teach. He gives students worksheet after worksheet, never explaining what they’re supposed to be doing.

A few days ago, D. and C. (male C.) came to my room very upset after a test from this teacher. They told me they were never taught the material. D. has a 3.5 and plays football and runs track. He’s a stellar kid. He told me he respectfully refused to take the test. He told the teacher that he studied for the test, but was never taught any of the material. The teacher repeatedly told him he just needed to try his best. He gave the test back. I called a few administrators and ended up sending them to a department head to make a formal complaint.

I’m certainly not the best teacher out there, but I get kind of upset when I see people giving only minimum effort to something so important.

Benchmarks are district wide tests. I want all my class averages to be at least 80%. We are far from it. Here are my scores, compared with my school’s averages, and the school district averages:

Overall:

My classes: 63.3%

All bio classes at my school (myself included): 51.4%

South Phila. HS Region: 48.5%

School Dist. Of Phila.: 52.9%

FELLOW TEACHERS: PLEASE LEAVE SUGGESTIONS ON HOW TO FURTHER IMPROVE MY SCORES.

N. walked in my room today at 7:20 (I’ve written about N. and his tough home life repeatedly). He asked me if I thought he was arrogant. I laughed and said I’ve certainly seen him be full of himself, but in general, no.

He didn’t laugh like he usually would. He sat down and told me his mom was mad at him again. Apparently, last night, N.’s mom told him that he needs to be at home more. N. is currently involved in about 200000 activities, all of which he excels at. He’s also trying to find a part time job. He loves what he does, but he does a lot of these things so he doesn’t have to be at home. He’s told me he tries to keep up with so many activities so he always has an excuse to be out of the house for at least 12 hours out of the day. He has told me in the past that being in his home environment brings him down and makes him feel stagnant.

His mom went on to tell him that he’s arrogant. She told him he’s arrogant because he is working to better himself and build a future. He told her that he wants to make something of his life, not sit at home, not go to college, and have 4 people living in a 1 bedroom apartment, while working 3 days a week.

You can guess how well that went over with his mom.

I really, really don’t know what to tell him anymore. He has a 3.6 GPA. He doesn’t cut school. He doesn’t drink or do drugs. He doesn’t hang out on the streets. I tried to talk to him about finding ways to deal with things, because as hard as he has tried, his mom hasn’t changed (this is the same mom who wouldn’t let him take AP classes because she figures he won’t graduate from high school anyway). This is the person who beat the crap out of him last year (I’m not sure how she managed to beat up a 180 lb teenager, but she did).  I told him that as long as he’s not getting hit, as long as he can stick this out for a year and a half (this is the middle of his junior year), he will rise above it. I hated to tell him that; I didn’t want it to seem like what happens at home is ok. I made it clear that the way he’s treated at home is absolutely not acceptable and he is not deserving of this kind of treatment.

I felt like maybe I wasn’t making sense or helping, but then he said, “Just so you know, you are the only person in the world who has my back.” I don’t like that he feels that I’m the only one behind him, but I’m glad he knows that I care.

On a lighter note…we had our first gymnastics practice yesterday! SO MUCH FUN. H., one of my favorite girls, came. She has never tumbled before but really wants to learn. She worked so hard. It was awesome. She brought two of her friends from the school who I had never met before. Practice was supposed to be over at 4:30, but H. asked me if we could stay until 5. Of course I let them. They were so helpful and encouraging to each other. We’re going to have practice twice a week. I think I’m really going to enjoy doing this with them.